They a "THOT" but you an "AIN'T GOT"

Ever since the person came out with this term THOT which means "That Hoe Over There" and from the description I got only females have been called this. True, there are thirsty women who will do anything for a man's attention. I am not denying that. There are the women no matter the ethnicity that are hoes and look cheap and are on the hunt for a meal ticket. These women will usually do almost anything to obtain the time of day from a man. Men see no value in these women because this is not the type of woman you look at as being valuable because they see no value in themselves. Even when you tell these hoes you see what they trying to do they just move on to the next.

They are opportunists. An opportunist is a person who exploits circumstances to gain immediate advantages rather than being guided by consistent principles or plans. So you see, an opportunist is looking for immediate gratification. The right now. She is not trying to build a relation because she ain't got time for that. She has not interest in trying to learn a more effective way on capturing the heart of a man. So she uses her pussy instead. Her pussy is the most valuable thing in her possession because she knows how bad most men want it. I said most, not all. I don't like using the word THOT, I like calling them what they are which is a HOE. It just sounds better to me.

Now on to the next. What baffles me is the current condition of the men who are labeling these women as a THOT. First of all let's identify what you are before you start calling people out of their names sir. They a THOT but you an AIN'T GOT. Ain't got a job. Ain't a car. Ain't got a house. Ain't paying child support for none of your children. Ain't got health insurance. Ain't got car insurance but has the nerve to put rims on a car you can't afford. Ain't got a pot to piss in nor the window to throw out off. But you have the unmitigated gall to call someone a THOT.

First of all, try to get out of your mommas house first and focus on yourself. Take care of your own business before thinking you have the sense of entitlement to look down on someone else. I know that there is a clear but unspoken double standard between men and women. But some of you men need to stop lying to yourselves and overlooking the fact that you ain't shit yourself. Fortunately, a woman can marry more money in 5 minutes than she can make in a lifetime so please worry about yourself. I am not a THOT nor a HOE, I am just a happily married woman who has noticed how most of these sorry ass men have been throwing this word around but AIN'T GOT shit themselves. They a THOT but you sir are an AIN'T GOT. I'm out.

Before you get defensive, trying to call me out my name please let me inform you upfront that I don't give even an itty bitty piece of a fuck. I can say what I want to say because this is my shit. This is my blog. This is the place where I can come and say how I feel without having to be considerate of others feelings. You chose to come here. You clicked on the link. Not my fault. So whether you are a THOT or an AIN'T GOT just take this as constructive criticism and keep it moving. No matter who doesn't like it, I'm going to tell you since your mother didn't

Motherless Child

Just laying here thinking am I supposed to feel this empty for the rest of my life? Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I am so sad and devastated. My mother died when I was 8 months old and my grandmother dies when I was 16 years old. My sister tried to step in but I was so full of hurt, pain and anger. What have I done to get people who I know beyond the shadow of a doubt would have loved me. I am a good person. I will give up my last to someone else. I love to laugh. I love to make other people happy. I am a great cook. I am a good singer. I am a business woman. I may be fat but I am pretty. Why did I deserve to get stripped of something of such great value? I try to focus on my kids when I get sad but I was Angie before I had kids. I had this same emptiness before they got here. They bring me joy but I have ambivalent feelings toward Mothers Day. Same thing happens every year. I thought I would  be over this by now. The older I get ....the more I hate that I have no mother to text...no mother to call...no mother to call. I would love to call her and exchange recipes. I would love to have a cool tradition with my mom. It's strange even typing "my mom" because I don't even know how to react to what that means because I was the kid that all the older people tried to take care of because she "had no one". Now I know exactly what that means. Having no one...I am very very very familiar with that.

The love that my husband gives me is not enough to comfort this pain either. I never wanted him to feel the pain that I go through but his dad just recently past away and we all miss him and think of him often. I can just look at my husband and see the look on his face and already know he is missing and thinking of his dad. Even though he was a father in law. He was a father in love. He always treated me with love. 

Sometimes I listen to old school music and wonder if my mother listened to it at some point in her life. My grandmother told me she liked Sunkist Orange Pop...so I started drinking it when she told me that because any information I got about my mother I wanted to do what she did to feel closer to her. That didn't work either. She was quiet, meek, soft spoken and slow to anger. I was filled with ranging anger as a child. I remember being in first grade...second grade...hell every grade in elementary and being in class all alone on "Take Your Kid To Work Day" I had no one to take me to work. I used to always ask my Auntie Kim if I could go to work with her on that day at the City Hall but she traveled a lot so I stopped asking. I was searching for my individuality. I wanted to find something that could never be found. I even pushed my sister away back. I still was full of anger and would just lash out at her. I didn't want to get close to anyone because people I love eventually die. I didn't want to keep getting my heart ripped out my chest.

I wonder what was my mother's favorite color. I love pink. Purple is okay but pink just makes me happy. De'Lon told me a while ago that my mother could sing....I thought I got my voice from my Auntie Jean. I am just so lost I don't know her and I wish I did. I don't know what her favorite tv show was or her favorite movie. My favorite movie is "Long Kiss Goodnight" ...I could watch it 10 times in a row. Literally. I would like to know how she felt when she saw me for the first time when I was born. I will never know. My aunts and uncle has memories of her and I make up my own fantasies in my head and convince myself that that's what it is when in reality I know nothing. Absolutely nothing. I have one sister I trust with my life....my other sisters are strangers. Selina I can't deal with at all and Tonya I just lost contact with and has been meaning to call her but I don't know what to say. My Goodson cousins are like sisters to me but they are not. I really wish they were my biological sisters too but again, they are not. 

I remember when my husband proposed to me. No lie, that night I was thinking how cheated out of life I have been given. I had no mother to call and be excited about this next stage in my life. I will go through all the stages of my life with no mother to consult. My Auntie Jean is the closest think I have to a mother but she doesn't like it when I cry and am sad so I don't call often because I don't want to ruin a good day or evening she was having with me being sad and emotional. So I only call her when I am in good spirits. My Uncle Carl I just started back talking to him recently but I haven't talked to him since January. I miss him. He sent me some pictures of my mother and I appreciate that. I am going to end this because  no matter what I type my life will be the same. Motherless. Time magazine could publish this and I will still be Motherless. Oprah could have me on a show to talk about it but I would not go because talking never does anything. I learned that as a child. Talking and doing is two very different things.

I remember when Mt. Sinai, my old church built a new extension on the other side and I was sad because even being that young I knew I wanted to stay on the old side when my mother was at some point. I just wanted to be where she once was. To sit on the pew she once sat at....even then that was my mentality. I just want to smile. I don't think that I will betray my mother by being happy and not crying for her or my grandmother....even. I honestly am laying here in this bed on my stomach...I have been crying the WHOLE time I have been writing this. Again, I would like to smile. I like smiling. My heart has other plans. So I will pretend like my mother is here by me reading what I am typing.

Dear Mom,

I really wish...

I can't do this. This is too much. My tears are clouding my vision.

As always, I will tell you if your mother didn't.... You have one mother. Once she is gone you have no second chance. Give her roses while she is alive.

I'm out ....

Being Employed With A Facebook Account

Too many people don't know the effective ways of having a Facebook page without getting caught up. If you work in Corporate America you need to always protect yourself. You can have a Facebook page, Twitter and an Instagram account without feeling scared of putting your job in jeopardy. These companies are thirsty and ruthless...always scrounging to find a tiny piece of evidence for you to incriminate yourself. Some people put themselves in a predicament to where they might as well wave a red flag so they can be found because they are so reckless with just leaving information open to the public. There is limited public and there is public. You having no sort of customized privacy on your Facebook page is open for all public to see. You have your Facebook page where only people you are Facebook friends with is limited public access because you are setting your own limitations. Now don't get caught up in THINKING you have a limited access page because your profile is private and not set your privacy settings to where your FRIENDS OF FRIENDS can see your page. I will give you an example: 

Lisa, who is my coworker is my friend on Facebook. My page is private. Lisa is friends with our supervisor name Nicole on Facebook because low key she is a suck up. I have not blocked Nicole on Facebook because I didn't see a need to because we don't talk to each other at work hardly and we have ZERO contact outside of the work place. I don't know Nicole is friends with Lisa because she never told me and Nicole goes by her maiden name on Facebook so I would have never known that. on Thursday morning I call out sick from work and tell them I am sick. I call out Friday from work as well telling them I am sick. In all actuality, I am on a 4 day vacation in Las Vegas but I didn't tell anyone from work. I didn't even tell Lisa, We cool and all but not like THAT. Truth be told I only added her because she sits next to me and she overheard me tell someone about a picture I saw on Facebook and she asked me to add her. No biggie, so I did. Okay, back to the story. I made it my business not to post on Facebook while I was in Las Vegas because I didn't want to get caught up like I hear so many people loosing their jobs over Facebook. I was covered. So I thought. I met my favorite cousins who are twins, Heaven and Neveah. They were turning 21 so we were about to get TURNT UP!!! I told these heffas not to tag me on any pictures that we take because I didn't want my job finding out where I was. I could have easily went into my privacy notifications and set it to where whenever someone tagged me I needed to approve it or decline it ....and double protecting myself by setting it to where I am the ONLY one that can see the posts other people tag me on with Facebook pictures. But no, I didn't think I had to go that far because I trusted these heffas and we all agreed. No tagging Facebook pictures on my page. So long story short, we got drunk and pictures got snapped...65 pictures to be exact and low and behold every picture was tagged on MY PAGE on FACEBOOK!!!! I didn't find out until the next afternoon on Sunday when we went out for lunch because we had a hangover from the night before. I turn my phone on and I have 84 NOTIFICATIONS with 97 comments!!!!! My stomach dropped to THE FLOOORRRRRR!!! I screamed because I knew ....I just KNEW I HAD SCREWED UP!!!! Under one of the tagged post, that was a picture of me getting a lap dance from a half naked stripper while I had a drink in my hand and I was licking his nipple...the caption read "Freaky Friday...We TURNT up in Vegas #BOOM #YouMadOrNAH" ....under the comment Lisa writes "Damn...I thought you were sick...and your butt was in Vegas?? I'm glad somebody had fun because we were SWAMPED at work...See you on Monday Chica!!!" Now the normal person would think NO BIG DEAL....if she keep her damn mouth shut we are COOL. Remember when I said Lisa was friends with Nicole our supervisor? Yeah. So Nicole got a notification as soon as Lisa left that comment on my picture...Smmfh...Nicole wrote a comment as well, and it said "You are right Lisa ...she did call in sick didn't she? We will need to have a meeting about this on Monday so make sure you come in if you are back from your Las Vegas festivities" I didn't know who was commenting until I read the comment because the last name from Nicole didn't look familiar but when I read that I started balling my eyes out. I got fired on Monday and Lisa was promoted to a Team Leader. All because I didn't know how to secure myself on Facebook and trusted a stranger at work who didn't tell me she was friends with our supervisor.

Rules of Having Facebook and Staying Employed:

#1 Do not friend coworkers.

#2 Do not friend coworkers. 

#3 Do not friend NO GOT DAMN COWORKERS. MAKE YOUR PAGE PRIVATE!!!

#4 Don't just have your name on Facebook with your first and last name, make it hard to find.

#5 Go to your privacy setting and set everything to FRIENDS ONLY. Not FRIENDS OF FRIENDS...there is a HUGE difference. Change the tagging to where they need your permission to post it on your page and even after you are tagged change that setting to ONLY ME. Do not allow people to send you friend requests if you don't know them. Do not allow people who know your email address to send you a friend request. 

#6 Don't allow FRIENDS OF FRIENDS to see ANYTHING on your page. 

#7 Write down the names of all supervisors and managers and BLOCK THEM ALL!!!!!!

Don't let Facebook get your ass fired!!!!

The Audacity Of Old People

If you are over 50 years old and get easily offended, please listen to the voice of the Lord and do not keep reading. Trust me you won't like this. If you are still reading it means you are interested in what I have to say. I need to get this off my chest and out of my system. Most old people are intrusive, overbearing and irritating as all hell. I can't understand for the LIFE of me who invited all the old people to Facebook. Facebook is supposed to be a social location where you can talk to friends and family no matter where they are in the world. Not for you to get chastised when you post something they don't agree with. I know it's been a LONG time since you were young or even sexy for that matter..I can wait while you take a minute to think back. *waiting* Okay, so when you felt sexy or was feeling yourself (that means when you think that you are pretty) did you take pictures? When you got angry, did you not say things to vent or get your point across? I am just so confused how all the old people have forgotten the ratchet life they used to live. My grandmother used to tell me about this particular lady at my hometown church in Saginaw, Mi. My sister was pregnant and the old woman was trying to be sarcastic with her comments and my grandmother checked her right in the sanctuary. When we got in the car she continued to go off, and I was listening like a hawk. One, because when my grandmother got mad it was an Oscar Award Winning Performance. Two, I didn't get why she got so mad at the woman. She began talking to herself then it turned into one of her life lesson speeches she gave during those moments. "Don't you EVER allow anyone to talk to you like they crazy. She better be glad I didn't lay her ass out in that church! She was one of the biggest hoes in Saginaw, hell I even knew her pimp...and she got the nerve to say something about MINE?" I understood. There is a huge difference between a hypocrite and a person who has been delivered. I have seen both. A hypocrite is a person that says one thing and does another, but tries to make you feel bad about every little thing. A person who is delivered has more understand, if and when they do come to you trying to "help" they do it with love. She was a hypocrite. How can you fix your mouth to say something about my sister getting pregnant when at the time she was a hot mess...IN THE CHURCH!!!! This is the same woman who almost got her ass beat when we went to Tennessee and she comes and stands in her night gown right in front of the bedroom window all bent over the balcony with her nasty tale. I don't reveal names but all the Mt. Sinai people KNOW who I'm talking about. Yeah she almost got beat down on a church trip. So again, remind me how you feel you have the credibility to say anything to someone else? Old people are rude as hell, they say what they feel and think just because you are younger than them you will not say anything. Please understand I come from a long line of strong women, and if you want it you can get it. If any of you old people are reading this from the link I posted from my Facebook page, please read what is written next very slowly so you can understand. I will no longer be keeping your blood pressure and your health in mind when you come in my inbox talking trash. Yes I said trash. If you come at me with love then I will be respectful and give love right back. If you come at me telling me what I should be "ashamed of" may the spirit of the Lord comfort you as you get put in your place with very harsh words. I don't give a damn if you are 80, respect me. Don't come for me if I didn't send for you. If you see a picture of me and my boobs just so happen to be in the picture, just accept the reality that I have big breast. Not my fault you have swollen mosquito bites for breasts or your shit hanging to the floor. If you see I post something where I am addressing a situation and you don't agree with what i said...simply keep scrolling. Please do not inbox me. Now there are some old people who have wisdom I yearn for and that have been very influential in my life, I am not talking about you. I am talking about the old women who used to be called "Fast Black" or country whore names back in the day but now wants to give me a Church Of God In Christ makeover...laying a lap scarf on me when you should have laid a "lap scarf  on your LIFE". Don't always assume that when you give advice it is wanted advice. Stay in your own business. Make sure your own life is okay. I am good. Have a great Sunday. As always, I'm going to tell you since obviously your mother didn't.  

Paying A Toll When It Wasn't Even You Driving....

When you are driving to Chicago from Minnesota you HAVE to remember to take rolls of quarters because there will be a toll and you will have to pay. If you are the one driving the car, then you should have to pay the toll. I say this because the only way that I am paying a toll is if I am the person that is driving the car. I don't pay tolls for other people traveling. In relationships, we go through hurt and heartache and we carry that emotional pain to the next person. It is unfair to them because we don't tell them upfront the pain they will unwillingly go through because of something someone else did. "Hi, My name is Joe and I am in love with you but if you continue to stay with me I will always assume you will cheat on me, look at other men. I will never trust you even if you show me no reason to not trust you. Will you take my hand in marriage?" <~~~~ A real man will NEVER do THAT. But it's not just men who have those insecurities, women do too but I'm talking about men right now because my blog focuses more on helping women than men. Not that I don't give a damn, it's just that I'm not here to help men. Why should you have to pay for what another woman did? Why have the next man pay for what your ex did? I find that the reason why there is an emotional transfer from one to the next is because there was no closure in the last relationship. We need to find healthy ways to end these toxic relationships. There are men out here who don't come with baggage. I have lots of family members I could use as examples but I will just "generally speak" so this blog won't cause me any problems LOL... So just "Generally speaking" if you are with a man that brings you NOTHING but pain and heartache, when and if you decide to leave try something different. First of all, in order to get something different you gotta do something different. There is no way in hell you can take the SAME way home from work everyday and assume or hope you can save money on gas by going the same exact way the next day. You will use the same amount of gas and it will take you the same travel time to get home. Same with men, if one type of man is all you are attracted to then don't expect for the next man to not give you what you have been given. Men are visual. When you are wearing a tight fitting dress from Rainbow looking like a slut he is NOT going to see your personality or your character. All he sees are ass and titties...maybe lips. If you don't want to be called a hoe then take off the costume. Maybe you attract the wrong type of man. If all you attract are thugs or men who immediately want to have sex with you, how and why would you assume that you would get a wholesome man out of that scenario? Lots of people say you can find a good man in church but I know that is a LIE because the biggest hoes I have ever met in my life were the Minister of Music of their churches. That is why is it beneficial the broaden your horizon and add variety to your life. Go to the library, poetry readings, wine tastings...something that you have never done to introduce yourself to a different demographic of people. I said all that to say this, a different type of man will not give you the same issues. So before you just go to the next relationship, GET YO LIFE. Get your life together in every aspect. If you feel getting more education will improve your chances, do that. If you feel that you need to loose weight to feel better about yourself, do that. If you feel you have strayed away from God and want a closer relationship with God, do that. If you feel you have too much negativity around you and you need to delete some toxic relationships out of your life first, do that. You do whatever you have to do, when the opportunity presents itself in the future for a new relationship to be able to add value to that situation. If you have nothing to bring to the table, don't sit your ass down. You don't even deserve the chair to sit down until you can pay for the chair. So we as women have to give each man the opportunity to start with a clean slate. Don't automatically assume every man is a cheater. They are not. Most of them are but not all. There are not only good men, there are GREAT men out here looking for a woman to share their life with, their values with, their happiness with, their tears with and you just have to keep looking. I want to be a big sister or a long lost cousin to some of ya'll women who have been lied to and misguided by women in your family who don't have a positive frame of mind. Never take advice from someone who's life isn't an image of the advice they give. So I will continue to tell you the truth....just in cast your mother didn't.

Submission Doesn't Mean Slave

All I remember when I was young is my grandmother making my grandfather's plate and bringing it to him every night at dinner. My Auntie Jean does the same thing for my Uncle Marty. I used to always wonder as a kid why a man didn't make his own plate at dinner. Then, I begin going over my friends house and their mom didn't  bring their dad his plate at dinner. I asked my friend's mother why didn't she bring him his plate she looked at me and laughed. Of course she could not believe a small kid was asking her such a mature question and she simply said, "Baby he doesn't deserve  a plate made for him or brought to him". I know now and understand as a woman why she said what she did. First,  before I get into this please keep in mind these are my opinions so please if you always up in your feelings after reading this, calm down. I believe women should be submissive to their husbands only when deserved. Lots of women for one, are married to men they probably should have only had sex with. All men are not husband material. There are prerequisites that I think should be met before they can agree to be anyone's husband. Now if you with a sorry man that doesn't innately have an "I need to  make a future for my family by working hard" type attitude then you have a huge problem. If you are the bread winner and he is unappreciative and not willing to help the family financially, again you have a huge problem. A man should be a protector. A man should be a provider. A man should make deposits. A man should make you feel like you have his full support... his love... holding each other hand in hand forever through any struggles or obstacles. That man... THAT man should have NO problem getting a submissive wife in a marriage. Submission should only be given to a man with a MISSION for your family's life and with a clear vision for the success he wants his family to have. Submission doesn't mean slave. A man should respect you and treat you with love even in a disagreement. If my husband has my back and puts my feelings and considerations above his, you damned right I will submit to the man God has placed in my life. You don't agree. GO ahead. Do what works for you and I will continue doing what works for me and my husband. I have been married for almost 12 years, I am 32 and I got married when I was 20 years old. My husband reciprocates all the love and energy that I give him. He runs my bath water when he notices I am tired. He gets me just because gifts to actively show me he cares and loves me. He tells me he loves me everyday. There is not a day that goes past that he doesn't tell me how much he appreciates the things I do for him. He is my soft spot. He is one of the reasons why I smile. Being with him has made me a better woman. That is why I trust him for making decisions for our family. I know he got me... even with my eyes closed I trust him to catch me if I happen to fall. Like I said, submission doesn't mean slave. So as always I'm going to tell you, just in case your mother didn't. Respect, Love and Protect your husband. Keyword: husband. Boyfriends don't get husband benefits and priveleges. Point blank and the period. Know THAT.

Everything That Glitters Ain't Gold

It's not just men who and women who will try to play you, it's everybody. The only person you can trust in this world is YOU. Not to sound pessimistic or seem as if I see no sunshine in any situation but you have to have your antennas up with every situation and everyone. It is so crazy to me how people don't analyze their surroundings when clearly red flags are waving right in front of your face. If a man only takes you out at night, that is a sign. You look at what people show you, not what they tell you. Hell, people can tell you one thing and do the total opposite but as long as they are talking slick they continue to have you looking like a damn fool. I remember years back, a former friend who shall remain nameless, was so excited to tell me about a mystery man she had been keeping a secret. She was telling me what she wanted me to know but I wanted to know the real shit, the things that mattered. I let her talk, until she was done bragging about what he had and possessed but I notice she knew nothing about who HE was. Women get so blinded by material things they let characteristic flaws slip and fly right on by. So when she finally shut up I asked her..What was his full name. Where did he work. How old was he. Had she had sex with him yet. Does he live by himself. Does he have transportation. Does he have children, and if so where and who is the mother. Does he have clean fingernails. Does he have teeth. What is his credit score. The reason why I asked had she had sex with him yet is because sex, especially juicy mind blowing sex can cloud your judgement. I asked those questions. You know...the real questions. She answered some but ignored others. He seems to be pretty cool. He seemed perfect on paper but those are usually the ones you have to dig deeper and find out the real reason why they are single. As thirsty as women are these days, if a man with ALL of what he had going on has been single for a WHOLE year he must have something wrong with him he wasn't telling. Child...turns out homeboy was MARRIED. Yes honey you read it right, his black ass was married and had a whole other sexual relationship with my THEN friend at the time. They dated for about 6 months before she started telling us about him. The reason why I never knew she was seeing someone is because she was in college at the time and whenever she would go see him she would tell all of us she was going to class. Class my ass. Yeah she was going to class alright, about to get a hard lesson on life from the school of hard knocks. After we, as in I found out he was married instead of just cutting it off like a real woman should her dumb ass had the audacity to have the attitude of entitlement. Thinking she was well within her rights to continue what she was doing. Like someone owed her something. She said "If his wife was doing what she should have been doing at home then he would not have to come to her"...Smh... I reminded her that what a man does with you he will do TO you. You will always be the day AFTER bitch and never the day OF woman. He will always have to check with his wife first before doing anything with you because his marriage will always take precedence over a piece of ass on the side. You are a side hoe. A homewrecker. So of course, after she heard me tell her all of that our friendship ended. I don't associate myself with hoes, at least not on purpose. You are the company you keep. Ain't no way in HELL that I would go anywhere with a hoe. If I am sen with her people will assume we are cut from the same cloth and believe me when I tell you Angie is none of the sort. Everything that glitters ain't gold. you have to look at every situation realistically and weigh your options after analyzing the pros and cons of the situation. We all make choices. Mistakes are just something we call the choices we are ashamed of. So as always ...I'm going to tell you ....just in case your mother didn't.