Paying A Toll When It Wasn't Even You Driving....

When you are driving to Chicago from Minnesota you HAVE to remember to take rolls of quarters because there will be a toll and you will have to pay. If you are the one driving the car, then you should have to pay the toll. I say this because the only way that I am paying a toll is if I am the person that is driving the car. I don't pay tolls for other people traveling. In relationships, we go through hurt and heartache and we carry that emotional pain to the next person. It is unfair to them because we don't tell them upfront the pain they will unwillingly go through because of something someone else did. "Hi, My name is Joe and I am in love with you but if you continue to stay with me I will always assume you will cheat on me, look at other men. I will never trust you even if you show me no reason to not trust you. Will you take my hand in marriage?" <~~~~ A real man will NEVER do THAT. But it's not just men who have those insecurities, women do too but I'm talking about men right now because my blog focuses more on helping women than men. Not that I don't give a damn, it's just that I'm not here to help men. Why should you have to pay for what another woman did? Why have the next man pay for what your ex did? I find that the reason why there is an emotional transfer from one to the next is because there was no closure in the last relationship. We need to find healthy ways to end these toxic relationships. There are men out here who don't come with baggage. I have lots of family members I could use as examples but I will just "generally speak" so this blog won't cause me any problems LOL... So just "Generally speaking" if you are with a man that brings you NOTHING but pain and heartache, when and if you decide to leave try something different. First of all, in order to get something different you gotta do something different. There is no way in hell you can take the SAME way home from work everyday and assume or hope you can save money on gas by going the same exact way the next day. You will use the same amount of gas and it will take you the same travel time to get home. Same with men, if one type of man is all you are attracted to then don't expect for the next man to not give you what you have been given. Men are visual. When you are wearing a tight fitting dress from Rainbow looking like a slut he is NOT going to see your personality or your character. All he sees are ass and titties...maybe lips. If you don't want to be called a hoe then take off the costume. Maybe you attract the wrong type of man. If all you attract are thugs or men who immediately want to have sex with you, how and why would you assume that you would get a wholesome man out of that scenario? Lots of people say you can find a good man in church but I know that is a LIE because the biggest hoes I have ever met in my life were the Minister of Music of their churches. That is why is it beneficial the broaden your horizon and add variety to your life. Go to the library, poetry readings, wine tastings...something that you have never done to introduce yourself to a different demographic of people. I said all that to say this, a different type of man will not give you the same issues. So before you just go to the next relationship, GET YO LIFE. Get your life together in every aspect. If you feel getting more education will improve your chances, do that. If you feel that you need to loose weight to feel better about yourself, do that. If you feel you have strayed away from God and want a closer relationship with God, do that. If you feel you have too much negativity around you and you need to delete some toxic relationships out of your life first, do that. You do whatever you have to do, when the opportunity presents itself in the future for a new relationship to be able to add value to that situation. If you have nothing to bring to the table, don't sit your ass down. You don't even deserve the chair to sit down until you can pay for the chair. So we as women have to give each man the opportunity to start with a clean slate. Don't automatically assume every man is a cheater. They are not. Most of them are but not all. There are not only good men, there are GREAT men out here looking for a woman to share their life with, their values with, their happiness with, their tears with and you just have to keep looking. I want to be a big sister or a long lost cousin to some of ya'll women who have been lied to and misguided by women in your family who don't have a positive frame of mind. Never take advice from someone who's life isn't an image of the advice they give. So I will continue to tell you the truth....just in cast your mother didn't.

Submission Doesn't Mean Slave

All I remember when I was young is my grandmother making my grandfather's plate and bringing it to him every night at dinner. My Auntie Jean does the same thing for my Uncle Marty. I used to always wonder as a kid why a man didn't make his own plate at dinner. Then, I begin going over my friends house and their mom didn't  bring their dad his plate at dinner. I asked my friend's mother why didn't she bring him his plate she looked at me and laughed. Of course she could not believe a small kid was asking her such a mature question and she simply said, "Baby he doesn't deserve  a plate made for him or brought to him". I know now and understand as a woman why she said what she did. First,  before I get into this please keep in mind these are my opinions so please if you always up in your feelings after reading this, calm down. I believe women should be submissive to their husbands only when deserved. Lots of women for one, are married to men they probably should have only had sex with. All men are not husband material. There are prerequisites that I think should be met before they can agree to be anyone's husband. Now if you with a sorry man that doesn't innately have an "I need to  make a future for my family by working hard" type attitude then you have a huge problem. If you are the bread winner and he is unappreciative and not willing to help the family financially, again you have a huge problem. A man should be a protector. A man should be a provider. A man should make deposits. A man should make you feel like you have his full support... his love... holding each other hand in hand forever through any struggles or obstacles. That man... THAT man should have NO problem getting a submissive wife in a marriage. Submission should only be given to a man with a MISSION for your family's life and with a clear vision for the success he wants his family to have. Submission doesn't mean slave. A man should respect you and treat you with love even in a disagreement. If my husband has my back and puts my feelings and considerations above his, you damned right I will submit to the man God has placed in my life. You don't agree. GO ahead. Do what works for you and I will continue doing what works for me and my husband. I have been married for almost 12 years, I am 32 and I got married when I was 20 years old. My husband reciprocates all the love and energy that I give him. He runs my bath water when he notices I am tired. He gets me just because gifts to actively show me he cares and loves me. He tells me he loves me everyday. There is not a day that goes past that he doesn't tell me how much he appreciates the things I do for him. He is my soft spot. He is one of the reasons why I smile. Being with him has made me a better woman. That is why I trust him for making decisions for our family. I know he got me... even with my eyes closed I trust him to catch me if I happen to fall. Like I said, submission doesn't mean slave. So as always I'm going to tell you, just in case your mother didn't. Respect, Love and Protect your husband. Keyword: husband. Boyfriends don't get husband benefits and priveleges. Point blank and the period. Know THAT.

Everything That Glitters Ain't Gold

It's not just men who and women who will try to play you, it's everybody. The only person you can trust in this world is YOU. Not to sound pessimistic or seem as if I see no sunshine in any situation but you have to have your antennas up with every situation and everyone. It is so crazy to me how people don't analyze their surroundings when clearly red flags are waving right in front of your face. If a man only takes you out at night, that is a sign. You look at what people show you, not what they tell you. Hell, people can tell you one thing and do the total opposite but as long as they are talking slick they continue to have you looking like a damn fool. I remember years back, a former friend who shall remain nameless, was so excited to tell me about a mystery man she had been keeping a secret. She was telling me what she wanted me to know but I wanted to know the real shit, the things that mattered. I let her talk, until she was done bragging about what he had and possessed but I notice she knew nothing about who HE was. Women get so blinded by material things they let characteristic flaws slip and fly right on by. So when she finally shut up I asked her..What was his full name. Where did he work. How old was he. Had she had sex with him yet. Does he live by himself. Does he have transportation. Does he have children, and if so where and who is the mother. Does he have clean fingernails. Does he have teeth. What is his credit score. The reason why I asked had she had sex with him yet is because sex, especially juicy mind blowing sex can cloud your judgement. I asked those questions. You know...the real questions. She answered some but ignored others. He seems to be pretty cool. He seemed perfect on paper but those are usually the ones you have to dig deeper and find out the real reason why they are single. As thirsty as women are these days, if a man with ALL of what he had going on has been single for a WHOLE year he must have something wrong with him he wasn't telling. Child...turns out homeboy was MARRIED. Yes honey you read it right, his black ass was married and had a whole other sexual relationship with my THEN friend at the time. They dated for about 6 months before she started telling us about him. The reason why I never knew she was seeing someone is because she was in college at the time and whenever she would go see him she would tell all of us she was going to class. Class my ass. Yeah she was going to class alright, about to get a hard lesson on life from the school of hard knocks. After we, as in I found out he was married instead of just cutting it off like a real woman should her dumb ass had the audacity to have the attitude of entitlement. Thinking she was well within her rights to continue what she was doing. Like someone owed her something. She said "If his wife was doing what she should have been doing at home then he would not have to come to her"...Smh... I reminded her that what a man does with you he will do TO you. You will always be the day AFTER bitch and never the day OF woman. He will always have to check with his wife first before doing anything with you because his marriage will always take precedence over a piece of ass on the side. You are a side hoe. A homewrecker. So of course, after she heard me tell her all of that our friendship ended. I don't associate myself with hoes, at least not on purpose. You are the company you keep. Ain't no way in HELL that I would go anywhere with a hoe. If I am sen with her people will assume we are cut from the same cloth and believe me when I tell you Angie is none of the sort. Everything that glitters ain't gold. you have to look at every situation realistically and weigh your options after analyzing the pros and cons of the situation. We all make choices. Mistakes are just something we call the choices we are ashamed of. So as always ...I'm going to tell you ....just in case your mother didn't.

Dating 101...Quit Kissing Ass & Ask Questions

Dating 101...Quit Kissing Ass & Ask Questions.

I am just so sick of this shit I feel like I am basking in the presence of ignorance and mediocrity. When women are looking for a man it seems to me women are so fucking desperate to be with someone they are willing to accept whatever treatment these men are dishing out. Women don't demand any requirements or mandatory prerequisites for whatever potential man they consider dating. Quit kissing ass and ask questions. Lucky for me I was raised by my very wise grandmother and not a 30 year old mama still trying to "hit the club". She told me the small things that needs to be said, done and checked before allowing any man to come into your life. I used to ask ALL questions before getting involved with any man, and some answers I would accept at face value but other things like age, marital status, credit score, verification of a high school diploma, number of children and criminal I need documentation to prove what you telling me. I paid $49.99 online and got all the info I needed to feel comfortable in beginning a relationship. My grandmother told me that when you are dating a man the woman is in control. I have said this before...it is up to YOU if he holds your hand, touches your leg, starts a sexual conversation, puts his arm around you with "the yawn move" or anything else. Why do we feel as women that we have to sit mute and allow the man to do or say whatever the hell he wants to do and we just sit there and smile?! Hell no. There should also be no sex involved when you are dating a person because dick clouds reality and judgment. You are supposed to be getting to know this person inside and out and if all you can think about is the way he hit it from the back then what IS important will probably take a back seat position to the premature sex life that has erupted. Some women are saved and active in the body of Christ and feel that they really have a hard time dating because men some men will not accept abstinence in a relationship. Okay, I'm going to tread slowly with this one. So...LOL...it seems when a women has had sex before or even has kids and then decides after she has been saved and decides that she wants to give her heart to Christ or Allah or whatever God she serves that she is wrong from abstaining from sex. If the man respects you he will value your dedication to God on what you are doing. He is a selfish bastard if he tries to pressure you or make you feel bad for the stand that you are taking to be closer to God. I was a virgin until I was engaged at 20 years old. My husband and I lost our virginity to each other and I thank God for the type of husband that I have. As far as sex goes when it does began to happen in your relationship...don't allow just ANY man to play in yo ass. Giving a man sex is not mandatory it is your choice. Men always wanting you to do "special things" in the bedroom when they aren't doing anything extra OUTSIDE the bedroom. How do you expect to get a TRICK when you are not a TREAT?!?? You don't do anything "just because" or make your woman feel like the luckiest girl in the world. If you have to wonder why you are with that fool then you DO NOT need to be with him. Another thing, demand respect!! Don't let a man pull up to pick you up and blow a damn horn in front of your house, only HOES are horn trained and I'm pretty sure you don't live in a hoe house so make that fool come to the door and knock!! If Jesus even comes to the door and knock what makes that sorry ass fool so special?! You also should not allow a man to call u last minute for ANYTHING. Have enough respect for yourself for him to make "plans" for you..actually knowing days in advance that you are going somewhere. Don't be a damn booty call. When you do go on date make a daytime date. Men who only take you out late at night either want some ass or don't want to be seen with you in the daytime. Its a hard pill to swallow but its the truth. Men will only do what you let them do..quit "letting" ...be a real woman and get a backbone.

How To Guarantee.... Not To Get Stuck With A Man With A Small Dick.

How To Guarantee.... Not To Get Stuck With A Man With A Small Dick.

You know, it would be good if the inches of a man's penis could be posted right on his forehead like they speak of in the book of Revelations during the Apocalypse, because I think having a small penis is truly the "sign of the beast" and you need to be recognized and put on blast. Unfortunately, you have to make sure you don't get caught with a small penis man. There are many ways you can do this but you can't be over analytical when doing what is required. C'mon Son! #1 You DO NOT fall in love with a man without seeing his penis first. #2 If you are a virgin and a devout christian or muslim you need to walk into the bathroom by "accident" you make sure that fool don't have a man who is pissing on his balls. #3 You do not go on more than 3 dates with a man without asking to see his penis first. Why? If you don't ask you won't know. You can't always reply on "penis bumps" some men stuff their draws just like women stuff their bras. Real talk. The reason why you can't go more than 3 dates without seeing the dick, is because if you fall in love or start getting feelings for him you might let the small dick "slide" if he "treats you right" ...um...hell no. You should not put mileage on your pussy with "pity sex". Pity sex is when you have sex with a man when you really don't want to and you FAKE the whole way but its still consensual. There are some "nice small dick men" who needs love but I'm not the one that's going to give it to them. Over 30% of women in America are sexually unsatisfied. What statistic do you want to fall into? Me...I am in the statistic of women who are getting their "Back Blew Out". Real talk. Me personally I think all men who are not circumcised do not deserve oral sex unless it is worth your time..like 8 or 9 inches worth..and please don't let it be skinny and long but FAT and long. I need my pussy walls stretched. They have all that extra meat...you gotta pull skin back just to get to the fuckin' head?! Hell naw. You can keep that! UNLESS it is worth your time. When my husband and I was on our 2nd date I asked to see his dick and he was surprised because I was a virgin at the time. He laughed at me and pulled it out when I told him why I wanted to see it. He showed me and ...I married him for a reason *wink*! When the man will pull out his dick with no hesitation, its a good sign because he probably has a good size penis. I have no tolerance for small dicks and you shouldn't either. Kindergarten penis should be saved for the percentage of black men that go to white women. I remember when I was at Jackson State University in Mississippi and one of my hall mates got married and called me at like 2am..."Angie!! You were right!! I should have looked!!" She screamed while sniffing and crying at the same time without introducing herself but strangely I knew exactly who it was. Long story~short...her daddy was a big pastor from where she was from and she was scared to check the dick like I told her. She was a virgin and thought she would be sinning against God by just looking being that she was a virgin. Now, years later she is not even married because she said the dick felt like a TAMPON. Sex is not everything but it is an important part in a marriage if you want a healthy marriage. I don't know about you.... but I want to express my love and affection for my husband by sliding up and down his penis while bussing on top of him while all my juices run down his dick while riding him at FULL FORCE. Now how the hell you gone do that if the shit falls out every two minutes? Exactly. Why waste money?...Waste time?...A whole wedding?...When all you gotta do is ASK to see his penis by the 3rd date. Checking the dick will also reduce crime rates as well because let's just say you get ready to have sex and he gets naked and you refuse due to him having a deflated balloon for a penis and his lil dick ass rapes you? ...Hopefully I have once again given you something to think about. Check the Dick!!!!!! Trust me.

I had to tell you... since your Mother didn't :)