Paying A Toll When It Wasn't Even You Driving....

When you are driving to Chicago from Minnesota you HAVE to remember to take rolls of quarters because there will be a toll and you will have to pay. If you are the one driving the car, then you should have to pay the toll. I say this because the only way that I am paying a toll is if I am the person that is driving the car. I don't pay tolls for other people traveling. In relationships, we go through hurt and heartache and we carry that emotional pain to the next person. It is unfair to them because we don't tell them upfront the pain they will unwillingly go through because of something someone else did. "Hi, My name is Joe and I am in love with you but if you continue to stay with me I will always assume you will cheat on me, look at other men. I will never trust you even if you show me no reason to not trust you. Will you take my hand in marriage?" <~~~~ A real man will NEVER do THAT. But it's not just men who have those insecurities, women do too but I'm talking about men right now because my blog focuses more on helping women than men. Not that I don't give a damn, it's just that I'm not here to help men. Why should you have to pay for what another woman did? Why have the next man pay for what your ex did? I find that the reason why there is an emotional transfer from one to the next is because there was no closure in the last relationship. We need to find healthy ways to end these toxic relationships. There are men out here who don't come with baggage. I have lots of family members I could use as examples but I will just "generally speak" so this blog won't cause me any problems LOL... So just "Generally speaking" if you are with a man that brings you NOTHING but pain and heartache, when and if you decide to leave try something different. First of all, in order to get something different you gotta do something different. There is no way in hell you can take the SAME way home from work everyday and assume or hope you can save money on gas by going the same exact way the next day. You will use the same amount of gas and it will take you the same travel time to get home. Same with men, if one type of man is all you are attracted to then don't expect for the next man to not give you what you have been given. Men are visual. When you are wearing a tight fitting dress from Rainbow looking like a slut he is NOT going to see your personality or your character. All he sees are ass and titties...maybe lips. If you don't want to be called a hoe then take off the costume. Maybe you attract the wrong type of man. If all you attract are thugs or men who immediately want to have sex with you, how and why would you assume that you would get a wholesome man out of that scenario? Lots of people say you can find a good man in church but I know that is a LIE because the biggest hoes I have ever met in my life were the Minister of Music of their churches. That is why is it beneficial the broaden your horizon and add variety to your life. Go to the library, poetry readings, wine tastings...something that you have never done to introduce yourself to a different demographic of people. I said all that to say this, a different type of man will not give you the same issues. So before you just go to the next relationship, GET YO LIFE. Get your life together in every aspect. If you feel getting more education will improve your chances, do that. If you feel that you need to loose weight to feel better about yourself, do that. If you feel you have strayed away from God and want a closer relationship with God, do that. If you feel you have too much negativity around you and you need to delete some toxic relationships out of your life first, do that. You do whatever you have to do, when the opportunity presents itself in the future for a new relationship to be able to add value to that situation. If you have nothing to bring to the table, don't sit your ass down. You don't even deserve the chair to sit down until you can pay for the chair. So we as women have to give each man the opportunity to start with a clean slate. Don't automatically assume every man is a cheater. They are not. Most of them are but not all. There are not only good men, there are GREAT men out here looking for a woman to share their life with, their values with, their happiness with, their tears with and you just have to keep looking. I want to be a big sister or a long lost cousin to some of ya'll women who have been lied to and misguided by women in your family who don't have a positive frame of mind. Never take advice from someone who's life isn't an image of the advice they give. So I will continue to tell you the truth....just in cast your mother didn't.