Paying A Toll When It Wasn't Even You Driving....

When you are driving to Chicago from Minnesota you HAVE to remember to take rolls of quarters because there will be a toll and you will have to pay. If you are the one driving the car, then you should have to pay the toll. I say this because the only way that I am paying a toll is if I am the person that is driving the car. I don't pay tolls for other people traveling. In relationships, we go through hurt and heartache and we carry that emotional pain to the next person. It is unfair to them because we don't tell them upfront the pain they will unwillingly go through because of something someone else did. "Hi, My name is Joe and I am in love with you but if you continue to stay with me I will always assume you will cheat on me, look at other men. I will never trust you even if you show me no reason to not trust you. Will you take my hand in marriage?" <~~~~ A real man will NEVER do THAT. But it's not just men who have those insecurities, women do too but I'm talking about men right now because my blog focuses more on helping women than men. Not that I don't give a damn, it's just that I'm not here to help men. Why should you have to pay for what another woman did? Why have the next man pay for what your ex did? I find that the reason why there is an emotional transfer from one to the next is because there was no closure in the last relationship. We need to find healthy ways to end these toxic relationships. There are men out here who don't come with baggage. I have lots of family members I could use as examples but I will just "generally speak" so this blog won't cause me any problems LOL... So just "Generally speaking" if you are with a man that brings you NOTHING but pain and heartache, when and if you decide to leave try something different. First of all, in order to get something different you gotta do something different. There is no way in hell you can take the SAME way home from work everyday and assume or hope you can save money on gas by going the same exact way the next day. You will use the same amount of gas and it will take you the same travel time to get home. Same with men, if one type of man is all you are attracted to then don't expect for the next man to not give you what you have been given. Men are visual. When you are wearing a tight fitting dress from Rainbow looking like a slut he is NOT going to see your personality or your character. All he sees are ass and titties...maybe lips. If you don't want to be called a hoe then take off the costume. Maybe you attract the wrong type of man. If all you attract are thugs or men who immediately want to have sex with you, how and why would you assume that you would get a wholesome man out of that scenario? Lots of people say you can find a good man in church but I know that is a LIE because the biggest hoes I have ever met in my life were the Minister of Music of their churches. That is why is it beneficial the broaden your horizon and add variety to your life. Go to the library, poetry readings, wine tastings...something that you have never done to introduce yourself to a different demographic of people. I said all that to say this, a different type of man will not give you the same issues. So before you just go to the next relationship, GET YO LIFE. Get your life together in every aspect. If you feel getting more education will improve your chances, do that. If you feel that you need to loose weight to feel better about yourself, do that. If you feel you have strayed away from God and want a closer relationship with God, do that. If you feel you have too much negativity around you and you need to delete some toxic relationships out of your life first, do that. You do whatever you have to do, when the opportunity presents itself in the future for a new relationship to be able to add value to that situation. If you have nothing to bring to the table, don't sit your ass down. You don't even deserve the chair to sit down until you can pay for the chair. So we as women have to give each man the opportunity to start with a clean slate. Don't automatically assume every man is a cheater. They are not. Most of them are but not all. There are not only good men, there are GREAT men out here looking for a woman to share their life with, their values with, their happiness with, their tears with and you just have to keep looking. I want to be a big sister or a long lost cousin to some of ya'll women who have been lied to and misguided by women in your family who don't have a positive frame of mind. Never take advice from someone who's life isn't an image of the advice they give. So I will continue to tell you the truth....just in cast your mother didn't.

Everything That Glitters Ain't Gold

It's not just men who and women who will try to play you, it's everybody. The only person you can trust in this world is YOU. Not to sound pessimistic or seem as if I see no sunshine in any situation but you have to have your antennas up with every situation and everyone. It is so crazy to me how people don't analyze their surroundings when clearly red flags are waving right in front of your face. If a man only takes you out at night, that is a sign. You look at what people show you, not what they tell you. Hell, people can tell you one thing and do the total opposite but as long as they are talking slick they continue to have you looking like a damn fool. I remember years back, a former friend who shall remain nameless, was so excited to tell me about a mystery man she had been keeping a secret. She was telling me what she wanted me to know but I wanted to know the real shit, the things that mattered. I let her talk, until she was done bragging about what he had and possessed but I notice she knew nothing about who HE was. Women get so blinded by material things they let characteristic flaws slip and fly right on by. So when she finally shut up I asked her..What was his full name. Where did he work. How old was he. Had she had sex with him yet. Does he live by himself. Does he have transportation. Does he have children, and if so where and who is the mother. Does he have clean fingernails. Does he have teeth. What is his credit score. The reason why I asked had she had sex with him yet is because sex, especially juicy mind blowing sex can cloud your judgement. I asked those questions. You know...the real questions. She answered some but ignored others. He seems to be pretty cool. He seemed perfect on paper but those are usually the ones you have to dig deeper and find out the real reason why they are single. As thirsty as women are these days, if a man with ALL of what he had going on has been single for a WHOLE year he must have something wrong with him he wasn't telling. Child...turns out homeboy was MARRIED. Yes honey you read it right, his black ass was married and had a whole other sexual relationship with my THEN friend at the time. They dated for about 6 months before she started telling us about him. The reason why I never knew she was seeing someone is because she was in college at the time and whenever she would go see him she would tell all of us she was going to class. Class my ass. Yeah she was going to class alright, about to get a hard lesson on life from the school of hard knocks. After we, as in I found out he was married instead of just cutting it off like a real woman should her dumb ass had the audacity to have the attitude of entitlement. Thinking she was well within her rights to continue what she was doing. Like someone owed her something. She said "If his wife was doing what she should have been doing at home then he would not have to come to her"...Smh... I reminded her that what a man does with you he will do TO you. You will always be the day AFTER bitch and never the day OF woman. He will always have to check with his wife first before doing anything with you because his marriage will always take precedence over a piece of ass on the side. You are a side hoe. A homewrecker. So of course, after she heard me tell her all of that our friendship ended. I don't associate myself with hoes, at least not on purpose. You are the company you keep. Ain't no way in HELL that I would go anywhere with a hoe. If I am sen with her people will assume we are cut from the same cloth and believe me when I tell you Angie is none of the sort. Everything that glitters ain't gold. you have to look at every situation realistically and weigh your options after analyzing the pros and cons of the situation. We all make choices. Mistakes are just something we call the choices we are ashamed of. So as always ...I'm going to tell you ....just in case your mother didn't.